Peter is 9 Months Old Today

Whoosh! Time flies! Peter is crawling and pulling himself up on furniture. No rest for the weary in this household!

As you can see from the pics below, this boy loves food and his sister 🙂 He’s going to outweigh her pretty soon.

We moved into new house (still in the city) two weeks ago, I’ll post more about that and the sale of our old house very soon. It’s just been a little hectic with all the packing, unpacking and balancing of kiddos the entire time. So stay tuned for a super fun post very soon.

xoxo

 

 

Janet

It’s hard to believe I was just sitting with you on your couch 72 hours ago. Talking about deep and heavy things, as well as perfectly mundane stuff.  You taught me so, so much. In the way that you lived and the way that you died.

Your memory is a blessing. I’m privileged to have known you. May you rest in peace.

In a Hurry
Janet S.
I want to see, touch, do, taste, smell, feel everything. I want to go everywhere, walk the earth, climb the mountains and snowboard down. Try everything at least once.
Lots to do, I’m in a hurry. Not much time left. How long do I have before the cancer makes it impossible? Narrows the world to just my room, my doctor’s office, the hospital? I don’t know, I can’t know.
Time wasted planning for a future I don’t have. Working to save for a family I will never have. No more, I’m here now to experience everything. To dance and sing and laugh around the world and at home.
But, I can’t do it all. No lifetime is enough to experience everything. To watch the sunrise from space.
I will see, touch, do, taste, smell, feel everything I can. In my lifetime, however long or short it may be. And it will be enough.

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Peter’s 8 months old today!

I can’t believe it’s been 8 months since Peter was born! He’s such a happy guy, always smiling and giggling, especially when Nora is around.

He’s eating solids and crawling around on his stomach and all fours. It’s pretty funny to watch – he sort of looks like an inch worm! It gets the job done though – he’s moving around the room pretty easily and fast. We had to bust out our pack n play so that we can confine him and keep him safe if we need to leave him alone in the room for a second or two. He still can’t sit up on his own – but we’re starting to make some progress on that front.

All in all, he’s just the sweetest love bug.


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Life’s Difficult Lesson

5.1.2017

We all die. That’s the one universal truth, I suppose. Nobody approaches this topic better than my friend Janet (see all my links below to her talk, music video and article). I met her through BAYS and boy am I glad I did. She is a spitfire and she is wise. She is a bright light and she is intense emotion. She is alive and she is dying. She is a contradiction. She is…..well, she just is.

Janet’s been metastatic for many years. She’s enjoyed periods of non-treatment and periods of intense treatment on and off for 10 years.  The first time Janet and I hung out one on one a few years ago, we talked about her reality. She’s the first Stage 4 metastatic person I’ve ever been close to. She told me that she’ll be in treatment for the rest of her life until the treatment simply stops working or she decides to stop treating.  Plain and simple. Black and white.

See, that’s what I adore about her. No bullshit. When she paid me a surprise visit early on during my bedrest stay with Peter. She didn’t mince words. A pediatrician herself, she knew the shit we were up against. I told her some of my naive thoughts, and she calmly, yet gently brought me back to earth. Preparing me for the potentially devastating outcomes that might’ve been for Peter. I’m so grateful to have someone like that in my life. A straight shooter who cares and comforts at the same time. Perhaps its the cancer club that makes us this way? I dunno. But it’s a sisterhood beyond nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life.

Now, it’s my time to be there for Janet.  She’s at a crossroads and her treatment is diminishing her quality of life — which until this point — has been exceptional. When I sat with her at her house last week, she shook her head and told me “This isn’t living. How I feel — this sick and weak– this isn’t a life.” I read between the lines, but she went on to be very clear. She’s seriously contemplating stopping any further treatment. Chemo isn’t working. Isn’t going to extend her life measurably and is making her feel like shit. Rendering her useless on the couch all.day.long. For someone who scales mountains on the regular — she is down and out.

In the non-cancer world, we’ve all been conditioned (for some odd reason) to rally and cheer and champion someone who is dying. “keep fighting” “don’t give up” “you got this” “are you sure?” “just a little while longer” “keep going”.

Now that I live in the cancer world, I intrinsically know that when someone tells me they’re done — I get it. It’s not something to decide on a whim. It was extremely heart wrenching for me to just nod my head at my friend, blinking back my own tears, while holding her hand and telling her it’s ok if she wants to stop treatment. Make her *feel* my support for her decision. Don’t put her in position to comfort me. Don’t put her in position to defend her decision. Selfishly, of course, I want her here on earth as long as possible. But realistically, at what cost to her? It’s not worth it. I love my friend and I want what she wants. Only she knows what’s best for her. I’m just here to support and love her.

Oddly, when Janet visited me in the hospital when I was on bedrest with Peter. I remember making a joke that “surely this penance will buy me out of any cancer recurrence or metastasis, right?!” I went on to say that if I were to get cancer again, I wouldn’t have the strength to enter treatment again. Having been knee-deep into bedrest at that point I was physically and emotionally spent.  I was tapped out. Janet didn’t say what most would….. “oh don’t worry, you won’t get cancer again!” She didn’t shy away from it. She simply said “you’ll find the reserves to do it. you just will.”

Knowing that’s how Janet approaches life. I fully respect her decision to be done. I know she found her reserves and she’s tapped them to the max. Damn, has she ever lived. I am truly honored and privileged to know her and hug her and love her. I will continue to do so for as long as I can.

Below are links of Janet’s speech, music video and an article about her. Janet I LOVE you and insist on celebrating your great, big, bold life NOW.

Peter is 7 months old!

My love bug is growing so, so fast. He weighs 18lbs and is eating solids like it’s his job. He’s beginning to show signs of crawling (or creeping? I can never keep it straight). In any event, he’s moving around really well on his tummy. 

Nora and Peter are still crazy about one another. Honestly, they can’t get enough of each other. Every morning when Nora wakes up I take Peter into her room and she says “Mama, put Peter in my crib. I move over. I gunna make room for him”. After I lay him next to her she sings songs to him and pets him. It’s truly the most adorable thing on the planet. 

Let’s hope this love fest lasts (knock wood, right?!)


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Ok, it’s been a long while!

For those of you still reading my blog, I do apologize. I’m just crazy busy with two littles and trying to balance my own, adult life.

I’ve been posting my updates to Facebook, Insta and Snapchat; and, as a result I’ve been totally neglecting my blog. 

So let me make it up to you. Below are Peter’s monthly growth pics, plus a few other fun ones thrown in for good measure. 

Nora continues to love her brother with all her might. They’re adorable together. Peter is thriving and the happiest little boy you’ve ever met. 

For the first time in a long while I’ve got a lot on my mind and will try my best to post my deep thoughts here. Not that anyone cares, but it’ll ultimately make me feel better to write and get it out. 

I thought I’d lost my blogging voice – but indeed it’s still here. Just lurking beneath the surface. So, I hope to pay more attention to that inner voice in the coming months. 

Stay tuned! Lucky you…..


Peter’s One Month Old & Pumpkin Patch

Hey everybody!

Well, I missed posting Peter’s one month photo yesterday – agh, such is life with two under two! Better late than never, right?

I can’t believe it’s already been one month. Time is just flying by. Peter’s jaundice is all better and he’s growing like a weed. He weighs 8lbs 10ozs and is 20 inches long. He’s got a touch of baby acne, cradle cap and thrush (damn you pesky hormones!), but he doesn’t seem to be bothered by any of it.

Nora is an amazing big sister. She loves to hold Peter and kiss him. She’s got so much love to give!

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How he really feels about this photo shoot!

This morning Paul played hookey from work for a few hours and we took Nora and Peter to the pumpkin patch in Half Moon Bay. It was a fun morning – but we had to play a little man on man defense as we each tended to a child. As soon as we got to the farm, Peter needed to eat. So I took care of that while Paul entertained Nora. Sadly, we weren’t able to get a family picture — but we did the best we could. Something tells me it’ll be a few years before we get a family picture again! haha!

This weekend we’re having a Sip & See for Peter. We’ll have an open house for a few hours so that friends can drop by to meet Peter. Stay tuned for pictures from that as well as Peter’s newborn photo shoot. xoxo

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