GD Port

My good friend Shannon is getting married this coming weekend. She’s wearing my veil as her “something borrowed”. We cannot wait to celebrate with her and Ryan. They are such an amazing couple.

So I’ve been pondering what to wear to this wedding. I have my new implants and my old dresses don’t necessarily fit right anymore — so I rented the runway (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out http://www.renttherunway.com).

I’m a little worried about the dresses I rented because I’m still a little uneasy in my new body. Who knows if I picked the right sizes. I just can’t gauge what will look good with my new chest anymore (and it sucks that I just majorly indulged on vacation for two weeks and gained 6 pounds. Yup. You read that correctly. SIX POUNDS. Oink. Oink.)

So, I decided to pull a dress from my archives (read: out of our basement storage room) and try it on. It looks pretty good. If the rent the runway dresses don’t work out, I’ll go with my archival dress. BUT the one thing that bothers me beyond words — is the MAJOR scar that’s visible from my old port.

I’m so angry I have such a huge scar for a piece of shit port that I only had for three weeks total (10 days of which I was in the hospital because of the damn thing). Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of scars on my new chest (all my mastectomy/reconstructive scars) — but nobody but Paul and my BAYS sisters have really seen those. It just sucks ass that my port scar is so prominent.

I know, I know, I should feel like a “warrior” because of my scars. But I’ll admit that, right now, I don’t. I feel deformed more than anything.  I know how many other scars there are hiding under my clothes and it makes me sad for myself.  I’ll admit it to you — I *do* feel sad for myself.

But, one must only indulge these feelings for a second because there is so much more to live for.

So, Shannon, Ryan, whatever I might end up wearing to your nuptials — who the F cares. Because we are going to eat, drink, and watch you be married!

Cheers to you fools!

Oh, PS, you best believe I’m sucking in my stomach as if my life depends on it in these pics 🙂 Just being honest with ya’ll…..

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9 thoughts on “GD Port

  1. Wow why were u in the hosptal for your port? I had so many issues with mine! I had it in for 3 months and it still wouldn’t heel my body was rejecting it and pushing it out I had a super nasty scar but I just had my mastectomy so the PS fixed the scar in surgery. Still
    Covered I have yet to see it. Yours really
    Doesn’t look too bad at all!

    • Hi! Hope you’re doing well! Yes, my port landed me in the hospital for awhile. I had a fever of unknown origin and we did every test under the sun before concluding it was my port. I had it removed after 8 or 9 days in the hospital. If you track back through my blog you can find the posts about it. What a shit show. My PS said he could fix it, but he couldn’t do it during my swap out b/c he wanted to do a lot of lipo. So, if I’m still unhappy with it in 6/8/12 months, he’ll go in and clean it up — but not before then.

      Pretty sure your wedding is coming up soon! I follow your story and am so happy about your honeymoon! yay for love! enjoy yourself! xoxo

  2. Andrea – first, the dress looks fabulous on you! Second, the pixie hairdo is chic and cute all at once. As for the scar, well, you will be hyper-aware of it for a while. Eventually, you’ll forget about it, and it may change in color to make it less noticeable. I don’t think it’s noticeable as it is, but I know why you might. I had/have skin cancer, and I have surgery sites on my upper arms. unfortunately, the left arm tends to keloid, or overheal, so I have raised, bumpy, pink scars. They did a repair surgery to try to fix it, and when that didn’t work, gave me laser treatment. Still there, still ugly as sin. At the beginning of summer, when I break out the sleeveless shirts, I’m self conscious. But, it soon goes away, and I do wear sleeveless. i don’t hide it. I have had people make stupid comments about the scars, but I’ve learned to take perverse joy in telling them that I have skin cancer, and seeing them realize what asses they are. I feel like I’m giving a double public service announcement-wear your sunscreen, and don’t be an ass! Just try to take a step back, and look at the whole picture of how amazing you look after all you have been through. When you are having fun at the wedding, the scar will be far from your thoughts, I’m sure.

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