With You

Janet,

I spent last night with you. We had an amazing evening with Paul, Tina & Jill — by the end of it, we inevitably started to reminisce about you. A lot of tears were shed. But a lot more joy was spread.

After Tina & Jill went home, I decided to spend the rest of the night with you. I rewatched your music video and all of your med talks. To hear your voice in my ear buds was intimate, to watch your graceful body dance with such life — was a gift. It’s like you were sitting right next to me. It was comforting. Thank god for technology, right?

Today, I went back to your resting place for the first time since I shoveled dirt upon you. Today I witnessed the beautiful tradition of your memorial stone unveiling. Today I begin to say goodbye to you my friend. Today I ask for closure. Today is the day that your memory *truly* will become a blessing to me.

Tomorrow, when my tears have dried, I will continue to talk to my children about you. Tomorrow I will continue to keep your spirit alive. Tomorrow I will share with another your passion about end of life choices. Tomorrow I will continue to carry on your legacy.

You are always in my heart and never far from my thoughts. I love you very much my dear friend.

In an interview you were asked what your tombstone “dash” would stand for. The dash between your “born on” and “died on” date. And here’s what you said, “It’ll read: MIT MD Rock* ” FUCKING LOVE THAT

I know you and Harriet planned your funeral, grave and memorial stone WELL in advance. In fact, you planned your death incredibly well. I was very pleased to see that your memorial stone read exactly what you said it would in that interview. It made me smile during a selfishly shitty time.

You were ambitious in your need to curate your death early on. You did an excellent job planing for all the possibilities. But after some time, death just become death. I’m still so proud of you and in awe of you during your last weeks. 

While it may not have turned out exactly as you envisioned. I think you did an amazing job. And I know you helped so many other people along the way. Thank you for being bold, bright and fearless in the face of death.

You are a star shining bright in the sky for me. I love you very much Janet. I miss you terribly.

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