Happy two year cancerversary to me. Wow. Time really does fly. I can’t believe another year has gone by. I also can’t believe that I now mark time by my cancercerversary — more so than my birthday. Weird.
As I get further and further away from my diagnosis date, I’m learning some important lessons and coping skills. While cancer (and it’s potential recurrence or mets) are still at the forefront of my mind everyday, I’ve gotten much better at acknowledging those thoughts, and then filing them at the back of my brain and carrying on with my day.
I’m not sure what changed or why I’m coping better these days. I suspect it has a lot to do with the life that’s growing inside of me! I put our daughter before myself now — even though she’s still in utero. I don’t have time to let the past haunt me.
Don’t get me wrong though, while I feel less afraid of recurrence (or perhaps more at peace with the fact that I’m not in control of whether or not I have a recurrence) this year saw a new set of issues crop up… Recently I’ve struggled a lot with survivors guilt. How is it possible that I had cancer, took all the steps that the doctors recommended — and it all WORKED. I’m still NED and I’m pregnant on top of that. So much good luck and fortune smiling down on me.
Yet, I know people who did all of the same things I did, but their cancer didn’t go away. In some cases, those people are no longer with us. It’s so hard to wrap my head around all of this. But it’s my reality. Though I can’t help wondering why them and not me?
I don’t have the answers to any of this at the moment, I’m just slowly trudging through these waters and trying to remind myself that my feelings are legitimate and normal. And I focus on our family – I marvel every time baby girl Sieminski kicks inside my belly. It’s such an amazing feeling that jolts me back into reality and reminds me to be happy — to revel in all of our good fortune.
Speaking of good fortune — we’re currently in Buffalo visiting our newest niece, Anna Yasodhara! She is the cutest, smushiest, yummiest love bug I’ve ever seen. Paul is madly in love with her! I can tell he’s beyond excited for the arrival of our bundle of joy! Watching him coo over her makes me love him even more (didn’t know that was possible!).
Our lovely sister-in-law, Sandy, is throwing us a baby shower this afternoon. I truly can’t think of a better activity to do on this cancerversary! OH! Here’s another tidbit for you — today is not only my two year cancerversary — but it also marks the first day of my third trimester! Whoot!
Obligatory bump pic below:
Before I launch into this post I wanted to say thank you for all the WP and FB responses to my breast v. bottle post. It was really nice to hear from so many of you — and thank you again for your kind words and support.
Moving on! Since I’m not working, I’ve been busying myself with baby prep. And, as I’m sure you know (or can imagine), babies are spendy. So I’ve been trying to get creative in order to stretch the ole pocketbook. My latest obsession has been to locate cute artwork to hang above the dresser/changing table in the nursery. In general, I’m not a frilly frou frou type of gal, so our nursery is decidedly gender neutral! A little too gender neutral as it turns out, so I decided that we need to add something to signal that its a girl kidlet room.
My research began on Pinterest where I pinned a million versions of the same sort of artwork to my baby board. I’m in love with an installation of 4 or more prints in complimentary colors (think: grey, white and pink OR green, white and pink OR blue, green and white etc.). Thankfully the prints I’ve fallen in love with can be purchased on Etsy and are pretty affordable — it’s the framing that screws you. Sure, I could take a trip to Ikea and buy some cheap frames. But that’s too many steps for me. I want more immediate gratification.
So I had the brilliant idea to make my own nursery artwork! Off to the craft store I went. All in, my homemade installation cost me $90. Not to shabby, egh? I’m betting the Etsy route would’ve cost at least double that amount (after framing), if not more.
I’ll let the pictures below tell the rest of the story (click on pics for caption).
Paul and I wanted to do something special to remember the exact moment we learned whether we were having a baby boy or girl.
So we made a gender reveal video. Hope it brings a smile to your face.
For those of you unfamiliar with gender reveals — we asked our doctor to leave us a voicemail with the gender. I then drove to the bakery and they listened to the message and the baker filled the cupcakes accordingly. Very hipster/yuppy, I realize. But we didn’t think we’d ever get pregnant so we’re fully embracing all the cheesy stuff along the way!
2014 is shaping up to be a fine year — much better than craptastic 2013!
As you know, we’re finally pregnant (yay!). So many of you have reached out to offer your congratulations. I can tell that people are genuinely giddy with happiness over our baby girl. A number of people sent me messages saying that they haven’t been this excited since they found out that they, themselves, were having a baby! It warms my heart to know that you all have been on this ride with me. Through the bad, and now the good!
A number of people have asked me for details on the whole process. Rather than answer the same questions over and over, I’ll just list them all out for you. Here goes…..
1. Are you using a surrogate?
No, we did not have to go the surrogate route. I had triple negative breast cancer, which means the cancer was not hormone driven. Which means I’m not on hormone blockers for 10 years post chemo. Which means I can safely carry a pregnancy. That was my belly bump in the last post 🙂
2. See, I told you you’d get pregnant when you least expected!
No, this was not a surprise pregnancy. This was a well thought out, and highly planned pregnancy. We used our frozen embryos and availed ourselves of the best medical science has to offer!
3. So IVF worked the first time you tried after cancer and chemo?
Sadly, no. This was our third embryo transfer post chemo. We did a transfer last summer, another last fall, and then this last one — which worked — in April.
4. What changed? Why did it work?
I have no earthly idea to be perfectly honest. I will tell you this though — after the first two transfers failed, we ditched our original IVF doctor and moved over to Dr. Mitch Rosen at UCSF. Dr. Rosen has gotten all of my girlfriends pregnant — the man is truly a genius. As much as I hate to admit this next one, I think the 6-week cleanse also helped. My body was fairly clean and in good shape at the time of the third transfer.
5. Are you having twins? So many IVF pregnancies are multiples.
We did transfer two embryos, but I am carrying a singleton pregnancy.
6. Are you having a girl or boy?
7. When are you due?
January 3, 2015
8. Do you have a name picked out?
We have it narrowed down to two names, but that’s as far as we’ve gotten.
9. What are the two names?
Nice try! We’re keeping that secret 🙂
10. How are you feeling?
Knock wood, I’m feeling great. I’m 18.5 weeks along and, much to Paul’s chagrin, am fully embracing nesting! We’ve already started converting our guest room into the nursery.
11. Are you working?
Not in the traditional sense. At the moment, I’m simply enjoying this whole experience. I’d say I worked pretty darn hard to get to this point, so I’m cherishing every moment of pregnancy. Come January, I’ll be a full time mommy to our daughter. I hear it’s extremely tiring, yet rewarding work. I cannot wait for my new job!
Wow! We were overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support sent our way after we announced we’re expecting! Thank you all so much for your kind emails, texts, FB notes and phone calls. We’re still riding the high from your excitement!
PS – Apologies for the blogging hiatus — I hope to start posting again on a regular basis. In the meantime, please enjoy this headless bump pic
Well, after a long 4.5 year fertility battle, with a bout of cancer thrown in for giggles, I’m so thrilled to let you all know that I’M PREGNANT!
Baby girl Sieminski is expected to arrive on January 3, 2015!
As a long time infertile, I wasn’t sure this day would ever come. I have to pinch myself every day to be sure I’m not dreaming. Paul and I are beyond happy and excited. We feel like the “pause” button on our lives has finally been un-clicked. We’re no longer in a giant holding pattern! Woo hoo!
In other news, Maisey is quite excited about this latest development (she just has a funny way of showing it!):